We got like a foot of snow while Ryan was over watching a movie called Restless with me.
We had to suit him up and send him down the frosty mountain alone. I prayed for him. And hoped he could out run the wolves. But alas, Dear Ryan was never heard from again ;)
...the end.
After a series of terrible netflix movie choices i've finally gotten several good ones in a row! hooray for me! I've been watching so many movies with good soundtracks lately :)
Restless, Stranger than Fiction, 500 Days of Summer, Another Year, Strictly Ballroom...
Played some music with the Foaks in the city and then ran back to the valley to watch a couple of my bandmates play a noise rock show with the Mountain Sound Boys.
Really an eventful night. Full of Spicy Chai Tea, Revealed thoughts, Band Nachos, Fionn Regan listening, Intense Emotion, Reunited Friendships, Quiche, Vented Conversation & Freezing Cold Galavanting Around Town.
Three weeks of covering for the other massage therapist at the chiropractor's. Which means double shifts with 4 hours lunch breaks in between. And exhaustion.
BUT
That also means I had some serious time to kill and deliciously lonesome adventures to have!
So one of the first days I brought my sleeping bag & ukulele. And wrote a song in the back of the van!
Cannot wait for summer and camping every weekend :)
The next day I decided to learn how to use the GPS on my phone to find an old saloon like restaurant That i'd been to once.
Hated using the GPS but loved the Elk Burger, Potato Wedges and Milk Shake! I'm not sure if this is a very sound theory BUT I feel like ordering something wild like elk gives me a better chance of eating something that wasn't bred in a tortured poisonous environment like most burgers ;) makes sense, right?
Nearing the end of these insanely busy weeks. Trying to fit all of my home clients in at night and my few minutes off, participating in my church responsibilities and having "too many boyfriends" according to my 6 year old sister...i'm so relieved that i'm just about done.
Time to get my hurting, worn-out body back to a state of well being.
Get out of bed and do some...
Yoga & Juicing
Finding this Braggs ACV Drink Saved my life one day after work.
Sometimes...I'm certain that my dad is the most hilarious person in the world. He just came in my room to take his I Ching book back that I stole years ago and says he needs it because he's "I ching all over his body!" (I believe it's pronounced ee-jing...sounds like itching).
Also he and I keep pronouncing Sean Bean's name incorrectly. Calling him Seen Been and Shawn Bawn.
And we had a ridiculous conversation the other day about labeling the bathroom door as the detox room. With a subtitle of "don't forget to finish your paper work" (don't forget to wipe. baha.). Mostly hilarious because we've been figuring out ways we could turn our house into more of a natural health clinic. Him being a chiropractor and me being the massage therapist. I don't like the word clinic. Not ever. I prefer home-of-mine-where-people-can-heal-and-feel-comfortable-and-peaceful...that doesn't work. Something will. anyway. I love my dad and I've always wanted to work with him and be an apprentice of his. Anything to help me further absorb more of his never-endingly valuable knowledge and wisdom. So, dream come true :)
Yesturday was Valentines Day. & I tried to fake love.
Or at least went through some of the motions of love.
I'll just tell the story... A friend and I decided to be in love for the day. Really, he just wanted to "walk down the Patchouli Road" and was being sneaky about his intentions. But I've never had a friend with which I had so little in common. We honestly disagree on everything. We did watch Stranger Than Fiction and we both liked it. So I guess we agree on one thing. And he's quite a bit of a scoundrel. Big surprise. I don't know why I always find boys like him interested in me. I'm sure it's nothing but the chase. And how often do they find a feline so elusive as me ;) ?
The whole experience just reaffirmed to me how incapable I am of "belittling the belongings of love". Truly. I try to admit to myself that all the romantic idealism in me has been sucked dry but I sometimes like to lie. Occasionally, that's how I know what's true :) I'm so terrible at lying (most of the time) that even when I'm not certain of the falseness I feel it after its been said. To myself. When I'm communicating with myself, that is. Communicating lies. Because all I really want to do is believe. Believe that Fox Mulder will show me the truth ;)...ok dweebus, i'm done with the story. But truly, we all want to believe that there's a thing such as real love and that it's something we can all be a part of.
AND FOR THE VALENTINE MIRACLE OF THE YEAR... I was joking with my earlier friend (see above) about how I was bound to fall in love with someone on valentines day, with Cupid roving around the land shooting poor mortals at random, so it might as well be with him. How silly I was to say such a thing. Cupid got to me far before I even saw my friend. It Happened at work. Love at first sight. And his name is Ben. But we'll come up with something else. We can call him Bean :) That's his name in my phone...because I possess his phone number. And his heart.
And THIS is what my drive home looks like. Jealous :)
I've found a new figure to aspire to. She was a master gardener named Ruth Stout who lived to be nearly one hundred. hilarious lady. She'd probably laugh if she knew someone called her a lady. She was a very independent thinker who did whatever she wanted to do which includes nude gardening.
Humming (as well as Nettle Tea) reduces the pain of moontime cramps! :)
Loved the moment when I said "possibly maybe" because that's what my explanation called for. I adore bjork and her lovely foreign way of phrasing things.
I'm snowed in today. And so glad of it! The perfect excuse to eat rich food, take a long bath and read by the fire. I've also spent a good piece of time playing the guitar.
New Goal: If i'm 32, unmarried and childless i'd like to have Devendra Banharts babies. Because then I'd have gorgeous, strange and musically creative children.
My Kayla comes home from 18 months in West Virginia in less than a month! Cannot wait to have my best girl again! And to learn from her all of the skills she's learned from the grannies. Like crocheting. And for her to be reunited with her true love, Daniel, who is one of my dearest and truest friends on this earth. I Cannot even say how much I am truly excited for their love.
The other day I caught Ruger, the cat with the expressive gestures and little boy voice, playing with a dead vole. It was huge! Have you ever seen a vole? We call Ruger the spartan. He's our best rodent hunter.
I went to this "speed dating" activity last night. So funny. Mostly because there were too many boys and I ended up having to be in groups of 3 the whole time. I just told them not to worry, I'm really good at dating 2 boys at once ;) ...not really.. meeting so many new people was exhausting. I slept so soundly last night!
I was reading Leven Thumps and the Gateway to Foo to my tiny sister today and there was a whole section from the perception of a toothpick (which held the spirit of a powerful ruler from another dimension). I really think the guy that wrote this book is such an imaginative writer!
Watching Lorna Doone tonight with my mother! Really looking forward to it! Once upon a time a boy I loved bought me a really beautiful copy of the book from the bookstore I love most in the world. Still the most beautiful book on my shelf. I love Lorna Doone.
I made these Ginger Chai Cupcakes from a recipe in the March 2012 Edition of Vegetarian Times.
They were quite delicious.
But I am sorry to say that the recipe had to be severely doctored and even still the frosting was not very digestible. Things with ginger in them should not cause indigestion :(
Very disappointed in a magazine that CLAIMS to encourage a healthy lifestyle.
The recipe called for tons of things like vegetarian margarine, vegetable shortening and egg substitutes...excuse me but I prefer to eat real food rather than something a "health food" scientist invented in his lab.
To be positive: these cupcakes without frosting are really so rich and gingery and I do love them!
My tiny sister and I made them as a welcome home dessert for my mother who's been at a quilting retreat all week :))
This reminds me of a most loved 12 step group:
Jackie wants a black eye.
Some proof that she's been hit.
John wants the answers.
But the questions just don't quit.
We're sitting in the rain.
And we're feeling like the weather.
You could say that we're alone.
But we're lonely together.
We're all in it together now.
As we all fall apart.
We're swapping little pieces
Of our broken little hearts.
Jackie's jumping in the quick sand.
But it isn't what you think.
She's safe because she knows
The more you fight the more you sink.
John's following the black cloud.
To keep him from the sun.
So he bends over now.
Something's finally begun.
We're all in it together now.
As we all fall apart.
And we're swapping little pieces
Of our broken little hearts.
We've been hurting so long
That our pleasure is our pain.
Are we madly in love
Or are we madly insane?
When yesterday's love defines you.
And today that love is gone.
Tomorrow keeps you guessing.
The roller coaster is rolling on.
I don't know what it is exactly but I've been feeling a little bit melancholy. Nostalgic maybe? Really feeling that things are shifting. Change always seems to make me a little bit sad. As good as I know it is. How wonderful it is to live in a world that's always moving and flowing! It's nearly impossible to truly feel stagnant, I think. You're always going backwards or forwards. Stepping sideways at least. How grateful I am for movement. And I definitely feel, these days, like I am headed in a positive progressive direction. So, good for me :)
Also I had a really sweet telephone conversation with my dear distant friend Joanna today. We're always delving into the most rich and meaningful topics. One thing I love about really dear friends. We got to talking about how funny it is when you 'coincidentally' run into someone with a ridiculous amount of similar characteristics to an ex-love of your life and how funny God is for putting this person in your path. Like he's saying "this guy you loved was just another fish! do you know how many fish I made?!?". And how beautiful it is to find someone that you instantly have real, palpable, friendly AND romantic feelings for. Even if nothing ever comes of it. How it just leaves you feeling hopeful about the future. I love talking to Joanna because A. She's a wonderful person with endless adventures to share and B. We always get talking about the presence of God in all things. What happier things are there to talk about?
Sometimes...(when i'm out and about) I get so excited about making friends and reaching out to people and then I go home and fall in love with my aloneness all over again and I lose all the ambition that I had just earlier that day to write all those letters and make phone calls and keep up with the lives of lots of people that I really do love and I sit in my room with my cat and my books and my ukulele and I feel at peace. So at peace that as far as I ever feel like going is just down the hall to have a lonely candle lit bath :) How easy it is to be alone.
I read an article today about us overstimulated human beings losing the ability to do things like meditate and be still. About how we're subconsciously creating all of these cravings in our brains for constant electronic interaction. Which is interfering with our connection to the spiritual and making us less receptive to inspiration from God. Her cure was for us to immerse ourselves in the word of God and to write down any and all thoughts that come to you while doing so and then look back at previous notes to find patterns and themes within your notes to see what it is that God is trying to say to you. There are so many things popping up all over for me lately about how to learn to recognize God's voice. How to more efficiently receive personal revelation. too exciting.
Sourdough Bread Made From Sprouted Wheat.
My Dad Just Pulled It Out Of The Oven. Who Knew Food Could Exude So Much Divinity? I Did ;)
I think animal companions are so good for humans because there aren't many other ways for us to practice giving and receiving unconditional love these days. Animals ARE such obvious manifestations of God's love for us. How sweet that is.
I've been thinking a lot about the need there is in the world to help in the healing of animals. I have a good friend, we'll call him Sycamore, he's been talking about doing this 12 week volunteer program with wild wolves and I've just been thinking about how powerful something like that would be and that I'd like to start investing my time in something that can help ill-treated or injured creatures but then that just takes me back to something that I know is a true calling of mine which is helping humans to heal. And if you think about it, God created his people to be the stewards of this earth and to treat all of His creatures with kindness and benevolence. So ima thinkin' how better serve God than by caring for the creatures in my sphere and doing what I can to stir compassion and inspire emotional/spiritual wellness and help to remind my fellow man of their stewardship of Gods beautiful planet.
As much as we all like to deny it, I think most of us are terrible at keeping what's on the inside from showing on our outside. The times I have been the most happy, authentic and emotionally secure I have also physically been the most natural and healthy and content with my visible body. But as an opposite, I look at those days of dying my hair blonde, neon orange, teal...etc. I was such a mess on the inside. So back and forth about what I was telling myself was good for me. All this artificiality on the outside had to be a manifestation of the madness, lack of satisfaction and immaturity with which I handled my life situations. Also, the asymmetrical haircut? Imbalance. Align? Letting anyone and everyone decide my destiny for me because I didn't want to believe I had a say in my own personal direction. Pixie? Let me restart my life as a baby, please.
But I do 100% believe that we ought to be able to use our hair to express playfulness and creativity! My baby bangs suit me so well...in my opinion. Liz, friendie who does my hair, always mentions how funny it is that I prefer to have my bangs cut so I look like a child that stole her moms scissors ;) I'm such a mix of young and old. Little kid bangs paired with an elderly woman's day dress are the perfect expression of what's always been on the inside uh my human skin.
Both of my brothers moved out within a few weeks of each other. I like to make comments about "back when I used to have brothers..." mostly because my mom gets so upset ;). But I truly do miss them! DeGrey is gone for two years. Soon to be going to Taiwan. Justin lives just up the street. But that's what happens when people get married, you see them every once in a while if you're lucky. How empty the house feels! So huge and small at the same time...here's another thing: My parents are both home full-time. yikes. And, for the most part, so am I...But I'm truly so glad that my brothers are off having their own lives and adventures! Go Bros! See, I'm not even a little bit bitter about still living at my parents. Also, I think them being gone gives me the opportunity to develop stronger relationships with my parents and tiny sister... I'm starting to think in circles now. But this is all good! We're are all where we ought to be! for now ;)
Dr. Dog stuck at the mouth of a mountain pass. Probably all weekend. Looks like my nights plans are no more. I have a copious amount of deliciously rich things I could do here in my hillside home anyway :) Can't wait for their album next week though!
My Breakfast This Morning:
Grapes, Bacon, Chicken Eggs, Sprouts, Pickled Beets & Carrots AND Leftover Peshwari Naan from Last Night :)
My Tiny Sisters' Got The Bug ;) Juicing Her Own Fruits & Veggies This Morning.
oh wait. what? Mr. Nutt just texted me that Dr. Dog is playing tonight! hallelujah!
Sometimes I just have to tell myself the only ones I MUST love is God and me. Me and God. anyone else I find myself loving is a bonus. And then suddenly I find the ability to love, worry and care for others like any healthy human being ought to. Co-dependency equals death. Self love, and trust in Gods lovely, lovely plan for me equals life. Full, Sweet and Nourishing life.
Happy Birthday to the Old Love of my Life. Thank You for a friendship that keeps me on my toes and gratefully holding on to the hand of my Father in Heaven.
Lunch: Can you see that steam coming off them eggs?! mmm. All those cultured veggies and sprouts and sourdough bread make for a well digestible noontime meal ;)
And Indian Food for dinner!? what!? my tummy loves me today!
Also, I played music in an art gallery for my friend Cher tonight.
So great to play amongst fellow human creatures. A small crowd of children danced to my harping for a while and Cher sang a new song for me once we found the best acoustics!
Best egg drop soup I've ever eaten. 1st time I've ever made it. Didn't follow a recipe. Mindlessly threw it together in less than 6 minutes. Just had an out of this world painful at the same time phenomenal massage from my dear friend, Sherri. Such a delicious night :)
Boil 2 cups of salted chicken broth, add a handful of spinach leaves, chopped red onion, a pinky finger sized piece of ginger sliced, whisk in one egg and my tummy is the happiest it's been all week :)
