Yike.

Dating can be so...yikesie.
I let myself think too much. I ought to just feel my way through relationships. That's when I am the most true and comfortable. My mind complicates everything. I just want to figure men out. I want to know how deeply they are capable of feeling, what they love and are passionate about, what makes them laugh, exactly how they feel/think about me, how much they are willing to communicate, if they have anything valuable to teach me...too many things that distract me from whether or not I'm feeling something. Or are these things you should wish to know right off? Do they all matter or just some of them? Or none of them really, depending on who you are.
I spent the afternoon with my dearest bestie newly weds. And their love and friendship is the most pure and true and eternal and hilarious and equal. SO glad to have dears like them for examples of true love. BUT then I remember so many friends I have known who have married and unfortunately their love never has seemed so powerful nor their relationships so stable. Am I eager for something that doesn't exist for everyone or something I've already had and lost my chance at? I don't want to settle myself down just yet but there are so many questions and what ifs that come with the life of a single lonely creature like me ;) All I want is to be seen and really understood and loved a lot a lot. But alas, I am so good at hiding.

Camping!

I went camping this last weekend with the fam. It rained most of the time but we ate rich food, explored the "crick", played phase 10, taught my tiny sister to gamble...I read the bean trees by Barbara kingsolver. We hiked a muddy red mountain...I learned how to throw knives.

Where's my mountain?

Wildfires frightening :(