Yike.

Dating can be so...yikesie.
I let myself think too much. I ought to just feel my way through relationships. That's when I am the most true and comfortable. My mind complicates everything. I just want to figure men out. I want to know how deeply they are capable of feeling, what they love and are passionate about, what makes them laugh, exactly how they feel/think about me, how much they are willing to communicate, if they have anything valuable to teach me...too many things that distract me from whether or not I'm feeling something. Or are these things you should wish to know right off? Do they all matter or just some of them? Or none of them really, depending on who you are.
I spent the afternoon with my dearest bestie newly weds. And their love and friendship is the most pure and true and eternal and hilarious and equal. SO glad to have dears like them for examples of true love. BUT then I remember so many friends I have known who have married and unfortunately their love never has seemed so powerful nor their relationships so stable. Am I eager for something that doesn't exist for everyone or something I've already had and lost my chance at? I don't want to settle myself down just yet but there are so many questions and what ifs that come with the life of a single lonely creature like me ;) All I want is to be seen and really understood and loved a lot a lot. But alas, I am so good at hiding.

Camping!

I went camping this last weekend with the fam. It rained most of the time but we ate rich food, explored the "crick", played phase 10, taught my tiny sister to gamble...I read the bean trees by Barbara kingsolver. We hiked a muddy red mountain...I learned how to throw knives.

Where's my mountain?

Wildfires frightening :(

Healthy, Wealthy & Wise

It's 10:37am and I've already taken Tempe to get fixed, made and ate grits fried eggs and toast for breakfast, done my laundry, deep cleaned the bathroom, tidied my bedroom, resheeted my massage table, showered and eaten leftovers for second breakfast. My mind is blown. So this is why adults wake up early. I'm taking a nap.

Poor Tempster :( No Mo Babies for You.

Favorite Snuggle Friend :)

Hello.

Please be my friend without a secret agenda.

SO frustrated.

1st of May

"Things" are moving and events are coming. Because I am making them do so.

I feel really good about May. Ya, I really do, I think.
1st Day of May:
I started the Book of Mormon over again.
And I have some serious study ideas that I'm excited about.
I went to institute AND met with my bishop.
And I made dinner ;) it was delicious. 
I've decided that it's my life and it's now or never...because, you know, I ain't gonna live forever.
;) bahaha. But truly. I need to get my shiz together for realzies and make some things happen.
I love myself. and my ridiculousness. I can't even be serious.
I love Fionn. mostly his words and his skills. i don't know him as a human and thats just fine. i still feel love feelings for him and will be sending them his way neverendingly. in hopes that he will never stop doing things like this.

Guess Who's Coming for Dinner

Warren Edwin Davidson came over for dinner after appearing on my dads radio show today. The food, thanks to my mother, was delicious but the music that followed was far more delicious.
Warren shared quite a few stories and folk songs with my family and I.
He is the Author of a book called Say No To Counterfeit Health Care - Yes To The Alternative. 
His website is: www.drugfree.biz/
Shelter Me, Lord

Joan Baez Cover

Codine Blues

Warren was pretty quiet up until he started talking about
the songs and telling the stories behind them.
I feel like he and I are so on the same page emotionally when it comes to music.
I love feeling connected to those who are of different generations than I.

Plantin' Potatoes.

Feels good to get my hands dirty. My feet dirty. My spirit earthy ;)

Nice Little Find:

To The Cave!

We Hiked! And We Found A Secret Cave! And We're Friends!

The Poopy Doop!

In a cave. with a ghostly girl.

Dear Devin, Elarah & I

Wild Sage in Elarahs Braids :)

Zero Control & Still Glad.

Today: I was CARless. Vehiclely deficient. My mother dropped me off at the mall. I got clostraphobic in the stores so I waited 7 minutes for a pretzelmaker to make me a pretzel dog. During which time I got teary and emotional about all the people and how commercialized society has become and vowed to never buy clothing again. Which lasted only 20 minutes. I decided to stick to the outside of the mall for emotional safety. Walking through the parking lot singing David Bowie songs until I came across a few fellow humans...who I quickly avoided...how social of me. I found myself a lonesome curb to sit upon. But while in the process of sitting I ripped my pants. Just a little ;) Just enough. I grabbed my pretzel dog out of the bag but before it could reach my mouth that dear dog slid out of the pretzel and may have fallen on the ground. I picked up that dog and ate it anyway.  It was not delicious. So with hands that smelled of mustard I bought a scarf.
      It's been such a long time since I've gotten my hair cut. Months and months. That's what happens when you don't work at the salon no mo. Which I'm grateful for in so many ways. I don't miss so many things about that atmosphere. And I love living in an environment where I'm not constantly reminded of womans need to be vain and materialistic.
      So...it's also been a long time since I've had such a conservative hairstyle. No neon orange, no pixie, no a-lign, no asymmetrical haircut. Not even drastically short and choppy child-like bangs. And to be honest I don't think I'm really very happy with it. We'll see in a week. See what I can do with it. I would be thinking about going in to get my bangs cut different and shorter but they've been thinned out so much I don't dare do anything :( thinning shears were not meant for girls with already not so thick hair. Don't care what you tell me or how long you've been doing hair or even how long you've been doing MY hair...I may be going back to cutting my own hair. Is there anyone you can really trust in this world?

Before:

After:

I think I can handle it though. I can tolerate, even love any hairstyle. I"m convinced ;)

Creamy Turmeric Tea

mmm. Today I recreated this delicious drink a naked french woman shared with me on a beach in Hawaii ;)

Coconut Milk

Fresh Chopped Ginger

Cayenne Pepper

Turmeric

Raw Honey

Vanilla Bean Extract

&

Cardamom

The batch she made was cold and had chunks of fresh coconut meat, garlic, goatmilk and most likely wild hawaiian fruit. I wish I could remember what she called it. I'm glad I at least wrote the ingredients down in my journal! Truly so sweet and spicy and delicious.

Kitty Cat Update.

So we finally said goodbye to the last of Tempe's kittens last night. 

Broke my heart. When a family left with the last two Temperance ran out on the porch after them. I had to grab her and hold her for a long while.

The saddest part was when my dad closed the door and turned around with tears in his eyes!

He's so good at pretending he doesn't love our cats.

That stinker.

Poor Mama. 

I have to snuggle her ALL the time. 

She just needs a couple weeks to be sad :(

Fate Has Got A Funny Way of Coming Around

Dr. Dog: clever like a nursery rhyme.

Sittin' outside with a tiny kitten in a new dress and long johns. 

Eatin' leftover beet goat cheese salad and pesto pasta.

Listenin' to Dr. Dog. 

Thinkin' about heading north for tonights Earthday/Birthday celebration.

Birthday Party!!! part two

Dweedlin' It Up!

Nigel Bartholomew, Duncan Gregor & Beatrix Pippa

Sheldon Eugene & Agnes Violet

Beatrix Pippa & Dweedle Bra

Edna Myrtle & Beatrix Pippa

Song written specifically for the Dweedle Party :) enjoy!

Birthday Party!!!

Dweedle Beetle Style

Duncan Gregor

Orange Slices, Animal Cookies, Cheese & Crackers

Miss Judith Posey

Hummus, Veggies, Pretzels, Pickles, Homemade Ranch Dressing, Pesto Pasta w/ Greek Olives and Red Onions, Roasted Beet Salad w/ Goat Cheese, Pecans, Greens and Apple. Pomegranate Vinaigrette. Mmmm.

A song the Doopy Poop wrote Me & Dear Danuel for our birthday :)

Dweedle Prep

Getting Ready For The Party!




Making these birthday hats:
http://princesslasertron.com/2011/04/makingbirthdayhats/

Gifted Little Cuties

For my birthday I got a few of the most creative and thoughtful gifts!

Sherri made me a dream catcher, Kymbra bought me a kitty wallet and made me a sweetly framed chalk board, My Mama got me cat fabric and made me breakfast in bed, Kayla & Dear Danuel found me the softest summer dresses, Sydney painted me this picture of a girl pouring out the stars, Ryan I mean the Doopy Poop ;) wrote me a song and bought me orange juice and frozen burritos (guilty pleasures), Justin made me my favorite homemade chocolate pudding and Elerah made me puff phased dandelion earrings out of bottle tops...i'm probably forgetting some...I have the most true friends. Unendingly grateful for all of them :)

Elerahs Earrings

Sydneys Painting

Happy Birthday Girl

Pierrot Le Fou

I Love Jean Luc Godard Movies.
and secret undies pictures ;) how fitting.

Perhaps I Wont Be Peter Pan Forever.

     So, emotionally I've had a pretty tough time lately. I've felt really sad and lost, disappointed and impatient. Really like I'm being left behind. My life style can easily get me feeling like a dumb kid sometimes.
    The last couple days I've really been praying for hope and guidance. For signs that I'm possibly still on the right path or at least a pick-me-up to get me off the selfpitty road.
I have this newish friend who texted me today. And he's like my BFF's friends husband, so it's not likely for him to invent such a thought for me. But in the text he said he was praying this morning and felt impressed to talk to me and let me know that my Heavenly Father loves me and has big plans for me and that everything will work out if I do what I know is right and true.
    Yikes. A friend couldn't have said anything more important to me today than that.
I'm truly so grateful for friendship and that God can use those friendships to send loving little messages to his children. AND how glad I am that I have friends who are sensitive to the words that are given to them by God and that they can recognize that that's where those words come from.
    I really love God and I love feeling close to Him and I love being able to be the kind of loved one that can help those in my life to better feel his presence too tootie toot too. ;)
Im Just glad to be of use to him. Glad that we all are.

Color Festival

It's Spring! It's Spring! It's Spring!

Anna Kitty

Kayla Purple Paw Face

I'm glad I went this year because last year left such a bad taste in my mouth.
People have been asking me for months if I was going to Holi Fest again. "NO WAY!" I would say.
;)
But I went to be with a couple little trues of mine
and we had such a delicious cutie friend time.

Our Dear Danuelle was dreadfully grumpy.
He needed Justin to hold him for a bit.

The Dirties Eating Double Bubbles